These are actual quotes from Federal employee performance evaluations:
- Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
- I would not allow this employee to breed.
- This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definitely won't be.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
- He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- She sets low personal standards and than consistently fails to achieve them.
- This employee should go far-and the sooner he starts, the better.
- This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
These are actual quotes from OERs (Officer Efficiency Report) used to evaluate US
Military officers:
- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
- Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
- A room temperature IQ.
- A gross ignoramus-144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
- A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
- A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
- Bright as Alaska in December.
- One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
- Donated his body to science before he was done using it.
- Fell out of the family tree.
- Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
- Has two brains--one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
- He's so dense, light bends around him.
- If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
- If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
- If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
- If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
- It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
- One neuron short of a synapse.
- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
- Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
- Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
- Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.