How To Be A Wife

It's the last day of school in Mrs. Cromley's third grade class. Outside, the sun is shining, there's a cool breeze, the sky is blue and the birds are chirping. Inside, the final test scores have been recorded, report cards have been handed out, and there's nothing to do except wait for the one-and-a-half hours for the bell to ring before everyone can go home.

Little Johnny is especially restless, 'cause he's got a new bike at home he wants to go out and ride. He squirms in his chair, but to no avail.

In an effort to relieve tension, the teacher says to her class, "Alright, I know you all want to go home, but I can't just let you all go early. So we're going to play a game. I'm going to read you a famous quote, and you've got to tell me who said it. Whoever is the first with the right answer can go home early.

"So who said, 'Four score and seven years ago'?"

Johnny knows the answer, and is about to raise his hand and say it, when little Sally across the room jumps up and says, "Abraham Lincoln!"

"Very good, Sally," says the teacher. "You may go now."

Little Sally gathers her belongings and walks out the door.

Johnny, green with envy, watches her walk out.

"Okay, class. Who said, 'We have nothing to fear but fear itself'?"

Again, Johnny knows the answer. But before he can react, Little Mary sitting in front of him jumps up and says, "Franklin Roosevelt!"

"Oh, good job, Mary. You may go now," says the teacher.

Johnny is dying of envy as Mary gets her bag and sashays out the door, but he keeps silent.

"Now class. Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country'?"

Just as Johnny is about to answer, Little Susie sitting next to him jumps up and says, "John F. Kennedy!"

"Very good Susie. You may go home now as well."

As Susie is walking out, Johnny can stay silent no longer.

"I wish these fucking bitches would shut the hell UP!" he growls.

The class goes silent. The teacher turns her head towards the class, detention in her eyes.

"Who said that," she asks ominously.

After a short silence, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Bill Clinton!"