WOMAN:  A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

  • ELEMENT: Woman
  • SYMBOL: WO2
  • DISCOVERER: Adam
  • ATOMIC MASS:  Accepted as around 70kg, but known to vary from 45kg to 150kg
  • FOUND: Copious quantities in all areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

  1. Surface usually covered with painted film
  2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason
  3. Melts if given special treatment
  4. Bitter if incorrectly used
  5. Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

  1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones
  2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
  3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no apparent reason
  4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol
  5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

COMMON USES

  1. Highly ornamental, especially in a sports car
  2. Can be a great aid to relaxation

TESTS

  1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in it's natural state
  2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

HAZARDS

  1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
  2. Illegal to possess more than one anyway.

I've had enough!