Cute Little Honey Bee ... splat!
I have been at peace with the bees for years now, but the damn things have decided they love my van for some reason. Twice now I've left my van windows open, and twice now I've come back from lunching at The Cave to find the inside of the vehicle filled with bees.
Twice now I've been stung.
I am not friendly to bees anymore. They must die.
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Countdown to evil shrunken demon heads: 2 Days
Twice now I've been stung.
I am not friendly to bees anymore. They must die.
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Countdown to evil shrunken demon heads: 2 Days
5 Comments:
Perhaps this nearly true story will amplify your feelings about bees.
The AntMaster
Insects persecuted me I was a kid. As a toddler, I grabbed a bee and it stung my thumb. Mosquitoes drilled into my skin and escaped with my blood. Once on a picnic when I was four I accidentally stood in an anthill. It was one of those soft mounds. The ants were the big black ants with red in the middle. Hundreds of ants crawled up my legs, inside my pants, over my pants and across my clothes.
They got on my shirt and under my shirt and pinched at my skin whenever they could. I screamed. My mother came running, and brushed the ants off me. I screamed again. Ants were still in my pants and even inside my underwear. Mother took me back to the car and performed a strip search. With the ants were gone, I calmed down, and we finished the picnic.
I think that was when I decided I didn't like ants. My mother tells me that when we went on picnics afterwards, I would go find an anthill and pee on it. She says I would get mad when I ran out. I believe her. That sounds like me. I got my revenge a few years later. I discovered AntMaster when I was eight.
AntMaster is a specially crafted large magnifying glass. It takes the rays of the sun and focuses them to a searing dot that fries things on contact. I used my AntMaster to burn holes in leaves, etch wood, and, of course for its intended purpose. The tiniest little red ants on the sidewalk were slow. If the AntMaster beam hit them, they stopped and burned, sometimes with a satisfying little curl of smoke. Another species of slightly larger red ants was a little quicker. They tried to run away from the beam, but weren’t too hard to follow. One second or so of AntMaster Death Ray and they would stop, kick and smoke. The most challenging ants on the sidewalk were those little black ones. They were really quick.
To fry a black ant, I had to hold the AntMaster close to the ground over a stationary target. Slowly and steadily, I’d pull the lens back toward the sun and try to hit the ant with the focused beam. About half the time, the Death Ray would wound them, and then a follow-up shot sent the little insects kicking and sizzling to ant heaven. The other half of the time I’d miss the black ants and they would crawl away.
I don’t use my AntMaster anymore, but I still hate ants.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz [SPLAT!] ;-)
Me...
I used to use my AntMaster to melt a spot in the tar found in the cracks between sections of sidewalk. Then I'd take a hapless little black beetle and stick them butt furst into the tar. The tar would quickly cool and solidify, and soon I'd have a whole farm of bewildered and trapped black beetles looking like tiny Easter Island monuments.
I'd burn ants with them, too. (Don't know a boy yet who didn't ... I think it's a right of passage.)
If I would have thought of the tar trick, I would have done it. I see we have both committed serial insecticide.
--Steve J
"Iiiiiiiii'm smooshin' up the baby bumble bee,
won't my mommy be so proud 'a me,
Iiiiiiii'm smooshin' up the baby bumble bee...
Oooooooo, it's all over me!
Iiiiiiiii'm lickin' off the baby bumble bee,..." ;-)
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