Sitting here at work, plinking away at the keyboard, and suddenly I get a very strange and uncomfortable feeling in my chest. It's a feeling I've never had before. It happens, then happens again, and I realize, OH MY GOD, I'm having a heart attack.

I put my hand to my chest. There's a lump there, and it's vibrating. What the hell?

My cell phone in my shirt pocket, set to vibrate instead of ring. I answer, only to find myself listening to a recorded message from the local Catholic church, asking for donations. Great, God has a computer with a war dialer and a modem. How fun. Calling every number combination possible, ignoring the fact that it costs me to answer.

"The God I believe in isn't short of cash, Mister." - U2, Bullet The Blue Sky